The help I did not need

I have a degree of disability, that I can no longer do sustained lifting through out the day such as I used to do as a dishwasher at the Coeur d’Alene Resort. I have emotional issues given my particular history. But, I am not so disabled that I am no longer capable of working. Not yet, and I am effectively four years from an early retirement. Regardless, I have to wonder why my sister thought that I should apply for Social Security disability. Mom was dying of lung cancer and my sister was of the opinion apparently that instead of my depending as a beneficiary of my mother’s living trust as a stable income that would assist me in supplementing the meager income of my current job, that instead, I should be dumped in the lap of the government and have the government take care of me instead.

So ultimately, my disability claim is denied… And as far as I am concerned, good, it is over with. When ever mom’s house does get sold, my portion of that inheritance will assist me in living in my new home. And, I can apply for early retirement by the age of 62. I am thinking that my sister’s “interpretation” of the help she thought I should get wasn’t what my late mother had in mind at all. Instead, the help I needed was to adjust to living alone. That I would have a place to call home. That I would get medical care where I could better afford to receive it. That my financial situation would not be such as to make it impossible for me to manage to make it on my own. And that finally, to know that I had a family to turn to in a time of emotional distress for us all.

What I did not need was my sister sliming me as “mentally disabled” at the Social Security office. I did not need an older brother who saw the pets I once had as deletorious to the resale value of my mother’s house while she was yet alive. I did not need all the grief that was caused me by people who seemed more interested in the money they hoped to get after mom died and no doubt angry that mom would in some way favor me in how the living trust would be portioned out. That I was in fact to be the first recipient of it. Well, mom did know how I struggled to make a living, to even get by on what amounts to meager earnings. So yes, where my surviving siblings had their own homes and sufficient income to live independently, I was not in that position to be able to do so myself as my mother knew. And I’m afraid, my siblings did not care to get a handle on this themselves. And so, they caused a lot of unnecessary grief.

And so as I think about it, I could not have managed a large property or a big house. I would have been more than happy to relinquish mom’s house to the rest of the family to simply be sold off as long as I still had a place to live. I am thinking that they could have handled the situation a whole lot better than they actually had.

Seriously, why did my sister truly want me to apply for Social Security disability? I’m sure that because my oldest brother had access to mom’s will he shared the knowledge of it with everyone else but me. No, I wouldn’t know how much was in mom’s savings and investments. What I do know was that mom was a little too prepared to scrimp and save when it came to myself and spend lavishly when ever the siblings paid a visit. Would I know what motivated this circus in the last years of mom’s life? Sorry, but mind-reading isn’t among my skills. Knowing the worst sort of foibles that people are capable of, however is. So, with a lingering sense of pain, I am reminded of these sappy super-religious cards that my two brothers sent me around the Yuletide. They should know that I am not a Christian. And given the grief that I had received at their hands, the cards had no meaning and were eventually thrown away. The one brother and his wife congratulated me on finding a new home. Actually, to thank me for making it possible to sell the house that mom had bought. Well, they are certainly free to do so, if they can. I have a place now where I can live and start over. What I need now, is to simply be left alone.


;In the world of politics, and especially the much televised Republican debates and primaries, the “front-runners” for the top prize: Gingrich and Romney; are fundamentally expressing to the American voters exactly why they should not be elected. Well, when I get more settled in, and re-register to vote in a new district, I’ll put an R after my name, hold my nose and likely vote for Ron Paul, if he is still in the running by the time the primaries reach Idaho. He’s about the only whack job that’s semi-tolerable.

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2 Responses to “The help I did not need”

  1. Dave Holmes Says:

    I’m on Social Security disability. It’s said that a person has to do 15 rounds with the Government at least 3 times before they’ll even consider you. I got a hold of “Binder and Binder”, a New York firm that specializes in disability cases. It took half a year because the State of Idaho fought it tooth and nail, but I’ve got it. The Binders will go to bat for you and you’ll pay no out-of-pocket costs. The way I look at it, you’ve paid into the program all your life; now its time to Reap the Harvest.

    On another note…I think I know who you are. You had a very rough time with the kids in school. I never contributed to that, although I knew you were different. You went to Borah School in the mid-60’s; you were in Mrs. Stepanek’s class in 7th grade and were in the 1972 Graduating class. If I’m wrong, I’m sorry. But if you are who I think you are, I wish the best for you. You’ve had to overcome a lot in life.

  2. jeh15 Says:

    Dave Holmes, you are not wrong. I am a Coeur d’Alene, Idaho resident by birth. And did go through some very rough times trying to grow up. But it wasn’t only the bullying by kids at school, it was also the bullying and abuse that I got from my own family.

    Since mom’s death, it has only gotten worse.

    Thanks for your response.

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